Personal Relationships and Sex Work

How does one navigate a personal relationship whilst working in sex work? Well, there are a couple of different angles here and I will do my best to cover both, but just know that this is a recount of my experience and has no bearing on what anyone else may have encountered or experienced.

 

Humans are bizarre creatures and believe it or not, we are not all created equal.

 

The stigma that surrounds sex work is something that industry workers battle with every day, but navigating relationships is one of the most challenging aspects I ever came across in my time.

 

It was always the back and forward whilst on the dating scene of do I tell them, when do I tell them, how will I tell them, is a soft intro a better option? The questions are understandably endless. I naturally tend to gravitate to worst case scenarios, and I like to plan for the worst but hope for the best.

 

I have been in a couple of different relationships over the 10 years I have been in the industry, and I have tried multiple different approaches, including hiding it entirely. Whilst I live with the guilt of robbing someone their choice to choose, that relationship ended as a result of domestic violence, so it was probably my inner conscience protecting myself as I reflect on things several years later.

 

I have always tried to be forward ever since, but explaining to my partners or potential partners of my current role within the industry, and I think it is important to discuss the past as well. I have always worried about someone else feeding information back to them that they were never aware of, so I have prepared myself as much as possible by giving as much detail so that there is no horrible spook that they may be confronted with.

 

Whilst we live somewhat anonymously through our working alias’, it isn’t a fool proof way to protect our real identities. As much as I hate to admit, I can be in a city with 5 million people and STILL someone knows someone who knows me as Charlie. Crazy hey?!

 

I remember when I started dating my now ex-partner, and I was still actively seeing clients, had a heavy online presence that was super active and had a huge local following on snapchat, he came to me and told me that multiple people in his friendship circle were following me on the app as Charlie. He was merely just sharing news of his new girlfriend with them and showed them a photo and the dots joined themselves. Thankfully that seemed to go well for him, and they were the “hi-five bro” types (is that even a thing?!) and wished him well. I know that could easily have gone the other way and that potentially would have buried our relationship before it even began.

 

The strain on our relationship began to take its toll as things started to get serious. Marriage was discussed; a baby planned- she was sadly stillborn earlier this year. In person work was out of the question at this point, and online content creation wasn’t something I was comfortable with any longer, but thankfully I had already stopped. A lot changed within my mind and body. Religion and cultural customs were always a huge factor in our relationship (which I prefer not to discuss), but repenting all sins and marrying within the church was the only option for us. Sex work had to go if we were to move forward. Alas, we didn’t quite make it, we tried tirelessly for many months, but things do hit different when you lose a child, and it is an incredibly difficult road to navigate, I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.

 

Whilst I am still actively involved with sex work and work with a wonderful bunch of workers all over the globe, taking that sidestep has also had its drawcards. I still get the creeps on the dating apps that just want to know more about the industry, I am not sure if it’s just a general interest point of view or if it’s some weird fetish they’re trying to explore.

 

Either way I adopt the approach of tell them what I do, how I am involved, my history, how I got into this business and then gauge their reaction. I guess you could say that I have become a stickler for details, as if they show any signs of creep, they’re swiftly out the door, or I am also a big fan of the unmatch and ghost.

 

I only have room for people in my life who are open minded, genuine and want to be with me for me, and not for who I used to be, or could be. I think that’s what I carry with me after all of life’s brutal relationship lessons over the years.

 

If anything, I have discussed here has been triggering for you please know you are not alone. My inbox is always open and there are support services out there that can help you navigate this path. I will list them below.

 

Charlie

X

 

Australia

Bears of Hope- https://www.bearsofhope.org.au

 

1800 Respect- https://www.1800respect.org.au

 

Lifeline- https://www.lifeline.org.au

 

USA

Compassionate Friends https://www.compassionatefriends.org

 

National Domestic Violence Hotline https://www.thehotline.org

 

988 Lifeline- https://988lifeline.org

Helping Survivors of Sexual Abuse & Assault https://helpingsurvivors.org

United Kingdom

Tommys- https://www.tommys.org


Bright Sky https://uk.bright-sky.org


Samaritans- https://www.samaritans.org